Galentines - Swiping Left and Right

[00:00:00] You're listening to the Planner Girl Chatter podcast with your hosts Jamie Marcus Bratcher and Colleen Phelan. Grab a fresh cup of coffee and the closest planner, start unboxing your latest Etsy order because it's time for Planner Girl Chatter.

[00:00:15] Welcome everybody to a fresh episode of Planner Girl Chatter. This is Jamie and I am here with my big-hearted fun-filled dating extraordinaire podcast co-host Colleen. You know Jamie, I feel like you started this Galentine's Day episode full of energy ready to go. You betcha.

[00:00:39] And I am not really a Valentine's Day person to be told. But you're a Valentine's Day person. I am making plans with one of my planner friends Sandra to do something next weekend for a Galentine's Day and have a little bit of fun together.

[00:00:54] I am pretty close to deciding that I'm gonna order myself some flowers that Kelsey's gonna have shipped to me and pay for. And then, you know, just gonna enjoy the day. I helped Kendra find some a nice like

[00:01:12] Valentine's themed chocolate that she can give to her friend at school that she was like girls just like do this kind of stuff and it was like yes girls do this kind of stuff. That's very normal. She's like, okay.

[00:01:25] So I will say at work this year we're doing like Valentine's grams, which at first I was anti because I was like what is this a popularity contest like in high school with carnations, but then I read them and they're so cheesy and puntastic that

[00:01:42] I'm gonna get them for my team because then I only have to spend four dollars and they eat both get one and then I'm Off the hook and I look like I was caring because I got them one Boom, and I'll pick them a fun one. That's like

[00:01:57] VIP very important Person in the office and it'll be really funny There's better ones than that, but I can't think of them off the top of my head like one is you've been served So I might give them that one but

[00:02:14] Yeah, no, I mean we'll see Jamie things are looking both up and down for me for Valentine's this year well I could I Was trying to explain to Kelsey what Galentine's Day was because I was debating going to a Galentine's Day event and

[00:02:31] I was trying to explain to him what it was and I couldn't quite Put my finger on describing it to him in a way that didn't sound just weird I was like, well, it's like for the ladies It's for your girlfriend I

[00:02:52] Think that you just have to show them the skit right? Isn't it from a skit Galentine's Day came from? Yeah, no, it came from. Oh Gosh, what's her name with the brown hair? That's really funny and was on SNL and now and she did

[00:03:08] Your mean girls mean girls she was the director of mean girls Was it the Parks and Rec lady? Her too. It's the two of them. So it's the Parks and Rec They're literally like the two most famous female comedians of our generation Tina Fey

[00:03:31] Not Amy Schumer, right it's the other one Leslie nope is all that's coming to my head because like I can picture Tina Fey and her bestie who I I literally have her book on my shelf and I it's Amy Poehler polar cheese. Yes

[00:03:48] Yes, I said Amy something but I think I yeah But yeah, they're the ones who came up with Galentine's Day And now I'm gonna look up the history because I feel like we should probably already have known this as women

[00:04:01] This was the impromptu rabbit hole guys. We did not plan for this Valentine's Day, it's February 13th. Y'all I had no idea what it like where it came from Galentine's Day traces back its origins back to an episode of the popular workplace comedy Parks and Rec

[00:04:22] I'm putting this from USA today Leslie nope is celebrating the holiday with a group of girlfriends at her local diner And it's only the best day of the year I guess is the quote Galentine's Day is meant to embody the spirit of Valentine's Day all day

[00:04:38] All the motion is an affection except rather than doing it all to your lover you do it for your friends shower your Pals gals are not with love and sappiness by the mo box of candy hearts right in my poem give them a smooch

[00:04:53] It's all in the spirit of the holiday Let's cut that right out. So yeah, it's a Galentine's Day Wonderful. Love it. We know the origin story now and it is a day to celebrate your friends because dudes suck at Valentine's Day in general, right like

[00:05:11] They remember when I got married and I just thought that like Your husband went out and like bought you flowers or bought you stuff and then it was just like this over-the-top thing

[00:05:22] That people just did like especially once you're in the relationships and my expectations were not appropriately managed And I did have people that I worked with when I first got married that their husbands did like bring them flowers to work or have flowers delivered and

[00:05:39] Or men that I worked with that would send flowers to their wives and I mean I think I remember you know one year that they I

[00:05:48] Do think that your expectations get jacked up and then some men are smart enough just spend the fucking money and send the flowers And then you get the dudes who are like, I mean, I don't want to be cliche on Valentine's Day

[00:06:00] Like, you know, it'd be fucking cliche just get the fucking money and send the flowers and then you get the dudes who are like I don't want to be cliche on Valentine's Day I don't want to be cliche on Valentine's Day

[00:06:11] I don't want to be cliche on Valentine's Day It'd be fucking cliche just get the flowers and the candy like really make it easy Just give me some flowers. Like I'll be happy with flowers every year Yeah, we'll never be unhappy. I

[00:06:28] It's definitely one of those holidays that I've just like written off is like something that we don't do like we tell each other We love each other and we care about each other and we usually go out for a nice dinner in that range

[00:06:39] But I think to like for our family by the time Valentine's Day hits we are basically like celebrated out Because we have all the holidays and then January is everybody's birthday And so for the longest time we've gone to a birthday dinner for every person individually

[00:06:59] And then it by the time Valentine's Day hits I'm just like I don't want to go to another dinner out I don't want to have to buy a gift Yeah, like I just Guys want for Valentine's Day. Well guys do this steak in a BJ day

[00:07:18] Do you know about that? No, but that's stupid. It's a month. It's March 14th, and it's called It's a it's a male. It's a male version They basically like some sort of like in cell mail thing because I have never been around For many many many years and

[00:07:39] It's steak in a BJ day. It's March 14th, and It's when you're supposed to if the guy does good for you on Valentine's Day You're supposed to wait some months for like I mean, I just don't even after well because there's no holidays

[00:07:53] There's nothing in the middle of it between you know, once you hit past Valentine's Day There's not really a lot of holidays after that. So It's a satirical unofficial holiday created in the United States as a male response to Valentine's Day Like Then there's chicken and licking day

[00:08:17] The day after what does that celebrate? I don't even want to read anymore Like it's so weird to me, I've never heard of this and I just I don't think anybody is making stickers for Steak in a BJ day or chicken and a licking day

[00:08:41] Okay, so then there's like I googled it then there's an about and so it's like, you know It gives the details and then it says the date, you know It starts the day significance an internet meme and then it says the date Significance an internet meme observances

[00:08:56] steak comma fellatio and also called snake and knobber day and Steak and BJ day because blowjob day had to be spelled out fully on the other one. I just who Men in America, here's the thing. I'm gonna I bought some Bubba Bears

[00:09:17] March wacky holidays that I happen to have sitting next to me here and according to Bubba Bear is potato chips day March 14th is potato And March 15th napping day so We don't have a sticker for it, it's not really a holiday

[00:09:40] Absolutely, not. Oh my god, I can't I can't yeah Well, so Jamie for my Valentine's Day. I'm giving myself the gift of performing Performing what I know now it sounds weird right after that does after that that's oh That was a terrible segue weird segue

[00:10:02] Keep that shit in so I'm doing a Weird segue Keep that shit in so I'm doing something called female storytellers, which is shortened to fist That's a terrible acronym as well. Oh, no, it's it's really good because they also do the Rosie the Riveter fist and I

[00:10:24] It's good. It's a good visual. So there'll be a picture of it, but I'm doing that on Tuesday Which is like pre Valentine's Day. It's their Valentine's Day show and the theme is swipe left so I thought that if you're interested I

[00:10:40] Could give you a free reading because it's a $10 ticket if you're in Tucson well, and I'm not in Tucson and there is no remote option and When I saw that you shared online that you were doing this

[00:10:52] I was like, can you zoom me in and we felt I'm gonna have somebody record it so that I can share it with you Oh good. I know be exactly the same but I will you know, there's

[00:11:05] Heckling from the crowd that will occur. Yeah, I want to be part of the I want to be part of the response You know, I want I want to see how the crowd responds to your your speech

[00:11:15] So is it a speech or is it a comedy routine? I Mean, I would argue It's a story. It's a public storytelling event. It's a Storytelling really do it. I'm ready now Okay, you ready for this? Yeah

[00:11:33] So I will let you all know that the best part is Cheryl my mother has decided to come with two of her friends So I want you to keep that in mind as I read my story and for those

[00:11:46] Who are not Jamie and don't have the opportunity to listen to this or see my visuals Just know there's hand gestures to go with some things I'm gonna mute so that I can giggle privately to my no, no you can totally no you can

[00:11:58] Giggle and to giggle alongside of you. Oh, yeah. No, it makes it far more My reading will be far more entertaining that way when we did dress rehearsal or not dress rehearsal

[00:12:07] It was just rehearsal because we didn't dress what we did dress but you know what I mean? It was it was much more fun because Yeah, so and I'm still reading it off the page because I'm not really sure what I'm reading

[00:12:19] Yeah, so and I'm still reading it off the page because I'm not really a performer and Right. You read stories like authors read them out of the book. So yeah I think it's you know, it's weird

[00:12:32] I said I'm so used to telling stories but not formal stories. And so this feels much more You know significant when you have to write something down like I can talk through the same story over and over and over

[00:12:44] But when you have to like write something down and then it feels like this a weird mix of like contrived Slash I don't want to mess it up, you know well

[00:12:53] yeah, and like and it's funny because they made a comment about like being committed to their words and I was like not me like I'm not committed and now I'm fucking committed Like I'm like this shit's funny and I can't forget this line because it's a funny line

[00:13:04] And so but yeah, it's but somebody told me that I was in fact a writer because I wrote it Whoo, I know and she was a really good writer. So when you write do you usually just write like the way you talk? Yeah

[00:13:19] It's not good it's not good because the way I talk is not well Like I'm a terrible writer and I want it to sound like, you know You read certain people's books and you're like you can hear their voice Yeah

[00:13:28] And I write that way but I don't actually have an inability because like how many ellipses can you use? Like how many ellipses can I use to like be like it's not an end of a thought So it's not a period and it's not a comma

[00:13:40] I remember there was a whole story. Sorry guys for the rabbit hole. I remember there's a story in the L word Do you ever watch did you ever watch that show? I did one of the girls in that one of the characters in the show was like

[00:13:53] she was a writer or like an aspiring writer and one of the other women was like an agent and The line that I always remember is like you're not a writer. You're a journaler You don't write

[00:14:06] About things that have happened in your life and you change the little names and you make some flowery changes to it But it's your journal And I'm like that's the reason I could never write a book

[00:14:18] Like a fictional book because it would just be me retelling some crazy shit that I heard put in a different order and people would be like That bitch like that show October Road where the guy it was just like two season show

[00:14:30] but the guy writes about all the people from high school and Then he never goes back to the town and then it's like ten years later He finally goes back to like do a lecture at the local college and he has to like pieces life together. So

[00:14:45] That's what it would be like. Yeah. Well, I mean welcome to storytelling because yeah It all comes from somewhere. It does and this directly comes from my life. So All right. I'm ready All right swipe left and sometimes swipe right

[00:15:04] My dating life the spring and summer of 2021 was not dissimilar to living in a pandemic. I masked up wink wink Frequently tested with even when careful and expose it was exposed to many new strains of fellows as a newly single woman in her 40s

[00:15:21] Who spent 14 years in a relationship online dating was essentially a brand new phenomenon for me as was cougardom Starting dating starting dating in the 90s as a thick loud and often sarcastic gal I always felt that I was too much in all of the ways

[00:15:38] Imagine hand gestures at my ass Yeah, my dating history was filled with douchebags who made me feel like I needed to fix myself and or cheated on me. I Had an affinity for being attracted to a certain type of person it rhymes with glad goy

[00:15:57] In my late 20s, I ended up in a relationship with a nice guy who was hot as fuck I thought I scored the lottery and I suppose for a time I did He and I celebrated my 30th birthday together moved in together

[00:16:10] Celebrated my 40th birthday and ultimately ended things in October of 2019 Well online dating terrified me initially. I found like most things the more you practice the better you become 10,000 hours makes you an expert, right? Jamie give me the laughs I need the last

[00:16:31] Hmm I began dating for really the first time in my life after a few months of online dating I realized that a wide variety of men were interested in me

[00:16:39] I included full body pics to clearly show my curves and communicated my wishes for dating specifically a long-term relationship I have surprisingly never been catfished and almost all the dates ended up being a two to three date experience Certainly not always successful but overall a fairly positive experience

[00:16:58] I learned numerous things including how I should probably swipe left far more frequently I began treating dating as a social experiment until I met someone I really liked

[00:17:08] What this means is I'm not emotionally invested and I look at interactions like research you want to send me a dick pic cool Let's see how weird I can make it you act like a fool

[00:17:18] I will talk about it publicly to help others skip my mistakes when possible which leads to my disclaimer I am in fact not editing the names of anyone to protect anonymity Any bad behaviors should be shared. No NDAs were signed and dating me

[00:17:33] So one fateful week I went on six dates with five different men in an eight-day period June 2021 was absolutely the start of hot girl summer and my week of intense dating included everything from dinner and drinks To meeting up in Home Depot Yes, I remember that

[00:17:52] Yeah, I will know that I mentioned if I mentioned physical attributes It's to illustrate how they were not actually significant to the success of the dates Hike being a primary issue for a lot of people even though it seldom actually matters

[00:18:06] Date one Monday night drinks with Kendall 15 years younger Kendall and I had been chatting online for a few months We finally met up for drinks at Contiki on a Monday night as you do. He was a southern gentleman

[00:18:21] Well, he was born and raised in the South as we shared a scorpion fishbowl did I mention it was Monday And at the end of the night he walked me to my car

[00:18:33] He proceeded to kiss me goodnight, which I was game for I enjoy kissing and I'm always curious about someone's skills What I didn't anticipate was his hand going around my throat and lightly pulling me up towards him I'm not joking

[00:18:48] Not choking me but letting me know he thought that would be a portion of sexual play with no prior discussion We were literally kissing in a parking lot Emotionally, it still doesn't make sense. And in the moment I had no idea what to do

[00:19:02] It seemed completely out of place with the rest of the evening and made him feel really unsafe We never went on another date and I will say I recognize intellectually It was a test of my physical boundaries that I wish I had responded to differently date to

[00:19:18] Tuesday lunchtime date with Tyler eight years younger Tyler was an artist And with that we decided to have a creative date at Home Depot and So when it came up, I decided yeah, I'll meet you there because I'm always open to creative dates

[00:19:36] So I got myself to Home Depot and he was a solid six four and also happened to be wearing a fanny pack style phone And wallet holder on his neck

[00:19:47] Similar to a giant child on a field trip that has a name tag so that they won't get stolen He promptly greeted me and honked my boobs with both hands It was Unacceptable strange Asexual and

[00:20:07] Then he handed me a bottle of wine out of a reusable grocery store bag And I had to carry it around Home Depot for the next 15 minutes until I got the fuck out of there

[00:20:18] Because it was not okay, and it was not a love match and I texted him as quickly as I could letting him know So at this point in the week I think the majority of sane people would say Colleen maybe take some time off from dating

[00:20:31] Things aren't really going so great this week and your career is definitely in retrograde Ever the optimist I recognized that well, I didn't really like some of the things that happened I saw some potential coming up and so I decided to keep the future dates

[00:20:46] So date three Wednesday night drinks and dinner with Patrick a hundred percent age appropriate. We were the same age Patrick was on vacation in Tucson, which is typically an automatic swipe left But his profile exuded nice guy in a good way

[00:21:00] He lives in the Seattle area where I also was working part-time We had a lots to talk about as well as the potential of a long-distance dating Relationship. He was the single boldest first kiss I ever experienced and I should take this opportunity to

[00:21:15] Apologize to the waiter at the hub for having to share that moment with both of us as well We followed dinner with an impromptu tour of the murals downtown And while I shared some of the history of the old Pueblo

[00:21:26] Patrick shared kisses and the night ended very well and Patrick easily won for the best day of the week Our interactions felt natural and in retrospect that was likely because I had zero expectations for the outcome

[00:21:38] For the next several months. We shared mural pics over text until we both ended up dating other people date for Saturday coffee with Vlad who was eight years my senior Sometimes online dating is hysterical you have a magical conversation and the next day the person ghosts you

[00:21:55] So this was not the first time I chatted with Vlad But it was the first time I actually got to meet him in my defense He was 6 4 and had a body that made my mind drift with possibility Vlad and I absolutely hit it off on our coffee date

[00:22:08] He was European and had a delightful accent. He's tall dark and handsome, which is a combo I really like he asked me about myself as much as he was willing to talk about himself in short a wonderful first date

[00:22:21] He walked me to my car and gave me a sweet chase kiss. Goodbye after we made plans for dinner the following night date 5 Sunday dinner with Vlad Compatibility compatibility red flags come up quickly when you go on a second date within 24 hours He revealed that he practiced karaoke

[00:22:42] Well now here's the thing I know there are people who love karaoke and I love that for you I need to be wasted ten ways to oblivion to consider it and Absolutely don't think singing Lizzo at the top of my lungs in the car counts as practice

[00:22:57] Vlad on the other hand legit had signature songs. He would practice them before going out and Performed them at karaoke nights We're very different people Additionally, he has a signature Halloween costume like every year he wears the same costume

[00:23:18] His name is Vlad and he's from Romania and he dresses like a vampire every year Every year I Love Halloween But I think half the fun is coming up with a new costume that is not directly related to everything about you

[00:23:37] And so I was still blinded by his package and we kind of half-heartedly said let's do it again spoiler alert We did not so day six Monday night hang with Travis eight years younger Some people come to life to show you things Travis showed me his new puppy

[00:23:55] We had briefly dated a few months prior until another person captured my attention more as a single dad Travis was busy and not as available. So I went for the more available love bomber at the time Here's the thing with going back a second time

[00:24:07] It's never as good as you remember while Travis floated in and out of my life for the next year So he was never more than a brief respite from the real world so all in all two of five

[00:24:20] Absolutely should have been life swipes the violation of physical boundaries are the fears most people have with online dating Part of me wishes I had responded differently in those moments, but that's not what happened on the other hand

[00:24:31] This week constitutes more dates than I had had for many years in my 20s when I didn't Skin and I celebrate this exploration at an age when women historically have been told they're out to pasture

[00:24:43] I am literally the definition of an old maid and I remember in my 30s the moment I felt like I wasn't seen anymore So online dating and swiping right has taught me that I have far more power not only in dating but also in myself

[00:24:57] This confidence has helped me confirm I'm not looking for a relationship that's mediocre While a long-term relationship is my ultimate goal with dating ignoring bad behaviors is not something I'm interested in doing I love the variety of personalities. I've now dated and learning how people move in relationships

[00:25:14] I become more open to meeting people who I wouldn't think of as my type and ultimately I want someone I enjoy spending time with as much as I enjoy spending time by myself and

[00:25:23] I would rather be doing this than living and dying in the 14-year relationship like I had before a Note about Hoover done Age is far more insignificant than it feels initially while a couple of the younger men this week were subpar

[00:25:38] I've had really positive experiences with younger men who ultimately become great friends Shreveport. That's a great example We're friends now. We have to watch out for being fetishized, but I deal with that as a redhead anyway So if you haven't been open to wider age ranges

[00:25:54] I would like to point out that there are tremendously interesting people at all ages Finding someone who with similar passions doesn't have to mean they were born within a couple of years of you. I

[00:26:03] Admit, you might also get stuck watching cartoons that you previously had never heard of So all of these five men were people I could have pursued and for a variety of reasons

[00:26:13] I did not that in it that in and of itself is a powerful space to be in Swipe left, but don't forget to also swipe right. Thank you. Thank you Thank you very much. I would like to thank all of the men who made this story possible

[00:26:32] and their choices It's so hard I really want my intro to be Colleen's mom was a cougar first Cheryl do you want to talk about it? Oh My god, well, okay, so I expected I'm gonna I'm not gonna lie

[00:26:51] I expected it to be way more raunchy. Like I thought it was gonna be like dirty Sexual details, but you kept it very clean. So it's Cheryl appropriate Yeah, yeah. I mean I I will say it was fairly clean in the beginning. I was going to

[00:27:09] You know insinuate more things on stage that I will not be insinuating now Certain things that I would have yeah I feel like Home Depot guy when you said fanny pack across his chest I was thinking of like a Utah mom or like leisure T like college students

[00:27:33] Yeah, so this so it's not I don't even know what to call it because it's not even a fanny pack it's literally like an over-the-head like

[00:27:41] Day, like I mean, it's sort of like what it's like what people wear when they go to Europe and they're scared about having their Money stolen. So yeah a money. So it's like that

[00:27:49] So it's not even a fanny pack. It's even worse, but I don't know what to call it. It's not even a man bag No, it was a child Like it was like a child going on a field trip. It was the most bizarre thing

[00:28:05] Like who brings a bottle of wine to Home Depot when you're in a public place like It was his way to try to get to my house. So he was like, oh But I thought we could like I brought this for you and then we can

[00:28:20] Drink it together and you can tell me what you think. I got it for my art openings But I can't even I don't want to talk too much shit about it because it's so bad

[00:28:29] He was an artist. Yeah, and like and I it was like when my nephew was a toddler and he honked boobs when he got fascinated during like when my Like sister was breastfeeding and it was like that

[00:28:41] I was like this is like not even sexual like I don't even feel any Like any of the emotions that I'm feeling right now. I don't even feel like I'm like I was like this is like not even sexual like I don't even feel any

[00:28:55] Like I know I can't even be offended because what you did is just not even sexual like it's like, oh It was bizarre. Yeah Man child groped me. Oh my god

[00:29:05] Well, the cool thing was was because we've been doing the podcast while you've been dating the whole time Yeah, so it's so weird it's such a weird thing to do it this way because it's like I Like you and I both are just natural storytellers

[00:29:28] So we just tell stories and so writing it down and trying to do it as a script Like now I'm sort of like tied into some of the lines but it's hard because it's like I can be wanting to memorize it so that you can do like

[00:29:42] You can get all of it, right? Because it would be hard until you've done it a bunch of times to be able to Get it. All right, because if you don't hit that's the hard thing about that too is like you get tongue-tied

[00:29:54] When you have to think about it, so you see what I did there I did that for your sake I'm like anonymity anonymity. I just like like fuck you you're fucking yourself, but I'm like, you know, I'll have a drink and

[00:30:08] If I get it wrong, we'll all just laugh together cuz I'm the I'm like I'm closing the show Yeah So it'll be good. So in the town that I live in there's like a group and I think it's like a East, Texas Are we dating the same person?

[00:30:25] Group and I bet that that would be super entertaining if you ever joined something like that in Tucson Yeah. Yeah, it's uh, it's Interesting shit. I will say so I like when I read the story like the women who I was with

[00:30:40] I was like, by the way y'all I work in like I Work in like sexual assault and sexual assault prevention, but it doesn't change the fact that in these moments like Like what is happening? Yeah

[00:30:53] Also, if you don't perceive it as a threat so even like the guy with his hand on my throat Yeah, I don't perceive it like as a direct threat. It was just so weird. Yeah You wing and so it's

[00:31:06] Interesting because they were like fired up and like one of them was like that is a sexual assault and I was like technically it's actually called I just spaced on the words, but it's called something else and it's like a classic felony because I'm an adult woman. So

[00:31:22] And yes, it qualifies But no I'm not like but like but then you feel like an obligation to other women like it's interesting like I feel like fuck I really should have said more. Yeah, but this is definitely in the moment

[00:31:35] I was like, I just want to get out of here with this. Yeah, you're see you're like advocacy drops for yourself Because they're like I have to leave Like I just want to get out of here never see this person again in the rest of my life

[00:31:49] Like yeah, I mean being in a relationship for so long when you tread it in to start it like When your relationship ended and you said you were gonna start dating I remember just being very nervous for you

[00:32:01] But I've had enough friends at my age go through this over the years that like tread back into dating that like I know it's not Impossible and I know that it's something that you know people do but it fascinates me to watch the story and it really is

[00:32:15] So many people's serial date because it's so hard to meet someone That feels worthy of even getting a second date I know we used to tease a friend of mine and we would be like

[00:32:27] We just need to get like a whiteboard and a flowchart to keep track of all this and once she did get settled She didn't get settled for a long time, but it did it took her

[00:32:36] I mean it took her like in 30 days going on date after date after date and My friend really liked being in a relationship and so she just dated all the time until she found somebody and was would get settled in and it was

[00:32:50] It was always like so tell us about We're all there for it when it was cocktail time, you know, so yeah, it's good tea. It's good tea so yeah, I mean so it's interesting because it's

[00:33:05] It's it's kind of like doing some level of reflection. And so I'm excited. I As long as it goes mediocre Lee well, I mean like it doesn't even have to because this is the first time I'm doing it So I don't really have

[00:33:18] Expectations of it being you know, like a home run I mean, I'm hoping right like yeah, I'm hoping it goes well, and I think it will I mean the audience is always very giving and like and like there's some you know, some stuff. I know well

[00:33:32] What would you do if one of the people that you talked about was in the audience? I would be like and that over there Hi Kendall, do you want to come up and say hi and explain like I would totally like yeah

[00:33:45] well, it's funny because I actually had a date cancel on me for Saturday and he is a Younger guy and so I was like and he canceled I was like fuck to see now

[00:33:57] I'm doing this and he's curious or like but really it's just that a lot of people cancel So, I mean like you arrange a lot of dates and then a lot of dates fall through. I mean, that's just online dating and but I was like

[00:34:09] Do I let do I let the current pool of dudes that I'm chatting with? No, I'm doing this. No The answer is definitely not no, no, no you just get to enjoy it you're allowed to have a life

[00:34:22] Outside of the dating and that's what this is. Oh, yeah. Well, I knew it was like I mean dress rehearsal was Hilarious like oh my god, like there's somebody who compares dating to Dante's Inferno and

[00:34:38] Like and she was like she studied Dante's Inferno in Italy, so she's got this shit down and it is Brilliant it's so funny and Yeah, and then there's like a really sad story that involves like a breakup which is she's starting the show

[00:34:55] So we're gonna start by crying I will say that I'm just hoping to stick with men who match my dating stickers. I'll be honest. So That's Big thing for me right now. Yes a lot of my you know, so yeah

[00:35:12] Fingers crossed the next one matches one of my combos We can only hope but also But also, you know you like ordering stickers so it's okay if you just keep spinning the dating wheel Why then whichever way It you're supposed to I don't know

[00:35:31] Right is yes just for you know, the non swipers out there Yeah for all of us married gals that don't know how it works Yeah, it wasn't around back then before the tinders. Yeah, so I mean I think it's uh, it should be yeah

[00:35:46] It should be a fun time. So that's my my gift to myself is sharing Stories of dating and that my mother decided to come to so now I have to clean it up and not be as much of a hussy

[00:36:00] Bring the hoe to the hoe down. Yeah, so well I've been I mean we were everyone listening to the podcast was here when you Broke up and moved on and started dating and a lot of people when they joined the Facebook group

[00:36:13] You have to ask answer a question Like what episodes do you like and a lot of people say? Whenever you're talking about Colleen's dating and so because it's an ongoing theme I mean

[00:36:23] I think that the planner world kind of wants you to stay single so they can still keep the dating stories in and So, you know, I mean, I don't think that anybody's mad about it I mean I will say that

[00:36:38] Life is much more fun when I am dating because you just can't make the shit up I mean, it's so good. I do appreciate getting to use my fun stickers my dating stickers. So Yeah, so we'll see We'll see guys. I think it's good. I think it's good

[00:36:57] So the team but more importantly than my dating life is your relationship with your planner, how's it going? My relationship my planner is still going good I'm actually trying to use up all my cutesy pink stickers this month

[00:37:12] Not all of them. But like I have a lot of I have a lot of like Older, I don't know like cutesy Valentine's Day looking stickers like Postage stamps with you know hearts on them and like little pink light pink drawings that are like cutesy

[00:37:32] You know stuff that looks like the kind of thing you'd see in Valentine's Day so I'm trying to I actually pulled them all out of my sticker collection and

[00:37:40] Tucked him into my planner so that I could get them all used up the week of Valentine's Day because there's not that many but there's enough of them that it's like We're gonna be generous with our stickers this this week

[00:37:53] Be real stickered up. And so I haven't even thought about getting out my Valentine stickers No, I'm like, oh fuck. I should really I should really pull those out Yeah, pull them out. So I don't I don't usually buy a lot of stickers for holidays

[00:38:09] And so these are just cutesy stickers. They're not necessarily Valentine's Day Anti Valentine's Day stickers that are like like candy hearts that say suck it and stuff like that Which the problem is is I like Valentine's Day even without a dude because there's good candy

[00:38:27] I used to have those that same set of stickers. I know exactly what site you're talking about I think I use those up I think four years ago And so I actually four years and three days ago Three days ago when I used up those stickers

[00:38:43] The Valentine's Day of 2018 Four years ago 2020 Usually buy things like that. I don't know. I just don't I'm not a holiday theme person Do you not remember stickers that you buy? I do but I don't remember when I use them

[00:39:09] And also what I remember is like I bought those stickers last year because I like to pretend That I haven't had them for five years and you'd like to be aware of that shit and I'm like no no no

[00:39:25] No, those I mean I just got those and I well they probably don't even sticky anymore That's what I was gonna say is it is one of those things where it was like that shop isn't even around anymore

[00:39:36] So I can't even get more and it makes me wonder I wonder where I could get the anti Valentine's Day Candy heart stickers. Well, I mean, I know that actually I'm gonna look in my sticker book because I know That I have some from Candace from CJ at

[00:39:57] What do you call it at Moore Avenue That are sort of yeah, so drink your fucking feelings like the rest of us Happy singles Awareness Day bitch. It's not me. It's you I can't stand

[00:40:15] If I had feelings I wouldn't have them for you those are the Valentine's stickers Those are those are real serious roses are red chocolates are brown you're getting neither so calm the fuck down I love me more. That's a good one

[00:40:36] We're all we've all got a number we don't want to drunk dial. Oh yeah, no CJ had the CJ had the anti Valentine's Day Anti Valentine's Day. Oh Those look based on the font. Those look like very old stickers. They are

[00:41:00] The planner font the the planner font tells me yeah that you've had those since before 2018 Hey, you know what I mean for you to negativity and suck it I'll send you a sticker for that Listen blush and bashful are doing great

[00:41:30] It's it's a fun fun fun world when you get to love planner stickers and play with them It's true think way too much about them. I can't believe yeah, I was like I

[00:41:42] I it makes me feel like I need to go shop for some Valentine's Day stickers and then I'm not gonna get him in time No, I know but I feel like there really haven't been any fun ones like there are but I feel they probably are we just

[00:41:58] Here's my problem though. Even when I've been single on Valentine's Day I'm usually not very bitter and so they're they're a little bit bitter So either I need somebody to be a dick to me in the next week so I can use them

[00:42:11] Or I'm not gonna use them this year either Yeah They could be just a general good dating sticker, you know There's this one guy who like sent me like a bunch of questions and stuff and

[00:42:37] He's and so I sent him back and he's like well it would be easier to have a conversation On the phone. Are you open to that? And I was like sure. Yeah, just give me a call. It's fine He's like how about 515 on Monday? Who the fuck says

[00:42:53] 515 is the time to do a phone call you weirdo and I was like, I'll be getting out of work How about 602? I Keep calling him Carlton The getting to know people and

[00:43:19] like the joy of it figuring out how much you share and how much you don't share or Coming up with like stick little questions to like get through it. Oh Yeah, yeah

[00:43:31] My favorite is in this guy did not match with art who it says he's 52 and looks like he's 62 I've already fallen for that lie before like so you can have different prompts and one of his prompts is Unusual skills and He has that he overthrowing a dictator

[00:43:51] And his job is instructor slash CIA And so in my profile I have like you can record a voice message And so I don't even know what the prompt is But basically I'm like, I don't want like ask me a good question

[00:44:09] Let's go deep like don't ask me about the weather like don't be boring. I don't I'm not interested boring So this was his way to not be boring Jamie Mm-hmm. Okay. So skipping small talk. Are you scared of death or the suffering that will come surely before it?

[00:44:29] And I was like art, I know you're close to death but like no bro, I am actually not Terrible opener for any conversation Even I was like, I know that you think that's deep But like it's only deep when you're like two years away from dying, dude

[00:44:48] and I I think I've got a solid decade at minimum before I'm I Feel like these people really need to learn how to like map out the expectations of a conversation like you

[00:45:02] Where you're like prompting people with questions that lead to the answer of the information that you actually want to know But I don't really trust his Overthrowing dictator skills when he starts with that because that seems like the beginning of an interrogation I Was like, oh

[00:45:23] Mario or something. I know I was like, oh Bro, I just or like yeah, there's this other guy who you know like there's just like certain information that's on my thing that makes it kind of clear who I am as a human being and like and he's like

[00:45:38] Don't like oh god. What was it? It was something like don't be annoying and like blah blah blah blah blah or something and I was like I are you gonna think I'm annoying because I have expectations like cuz I think that you would

[00:45:53] That's what you're kind of sounding like to me Yeah I'm just hoping on Valentine's Day night that I don't have to cook dinner and that a dinner will be purchased for me in some way shape or form and

[00:46:09] You know, that's all I'm really looking for. I'm feeling solid for you on that one. I feel really good that that's gonna happen Yeah, I feel like I can door-dash Use your card we're getting this for dinner. Thank you. Yeah

[00:46:30] I'll just never forget we did that love languages, you know So when you're a couple you gotta like do the test and you gotta keep it fresh Jamie people do that before they're a couple Oh Are on dating sites to thank you No We took the test

[00:46:48] I remember when Kelsey and I took the love languages test and we took it at the same time And we were like sitting in the room together taking it and the there's one other question

[00:46:57] We're not big gift givers. Like we've talked about this a ton on the podcast. We're not we just buy the things that we want It kept coming up. Like would you like to have a deep conversation with your partner?

[00:47:08] Would like if your partner wanted to make something up to you, would you like to have a deep conversation? Would you like them to give you affection or would you like a little gift and throughout the quiz that we took at least it

[00:47:21] Was like a little gift kept coming up. And so he slowly started using this Gift People are buying gifts when there's these situations just like ongoing like what would you even buy for somebody and We are just so not like gift givers in that way

[00:47:48] What are these gifts that people are getting for each other I don't understand Like this is so baffling to me and so one of the ways I demonstrate one of my Like love languages for my partners is getting gifts

[00:48:02] Like I like people to demonstrate that I've paid attention to what they like like in me. Oh my gosh, I Don't do that But like I think the thing with that for me with the love languages is it's like no

[00:48:21] I want all of it. Like I want some affection. I want some words of affirmation I want you to do some fucking service meaning like this house is yours, too

[00:48:29] And I want goddamn gifts like I can't even remember what the other one is, but I'm like all of them. Thank you Yeah, well and I guess The biggest thing for us in our relationship when it comes to any holiday like we don't buy gifts at Christmas

[00:48:44] We don't really do Valentine's Day and stuff like that and not we don't really even do like Kelsey's birthday was Like this week and we just went to dinner and it's not that we don't care about each other in that way

[00:48:56] And it's not that we don't give each other gifts But the big thing is we don't need a holiday to do that Like if we want to get something nice for one another

[00:49:05] We just get it if we want to do something nice to show that we care about each other We just go and do it. Well, you know like I want to spend time together

[00:49:13] Yeah, ours is quality time as you guys like so it's like we just want to spend time together and hang out And so I'm like fuck that Please don't let me spend that much time with you As long as that's happening we're okay

[00:49:27] I'll spend time with you, but not that much Spending time with me is the gift I did that to you. I want you to know it's for you. It's not for me Colleen, I've been holding you hostage on this podcast as my friend

[00:49:43] So you can spend quality time with me You got me by putting me on a podcast and then sometimes I get gifts from other people Yeah, exactly It all works out

[00:49:54] I remember even the last time I went to that planner meetup about a year ago with Mary Beth I was like do I need to get you like a roommate gift? And she's like no we're way past that I was like thank god

[00:50:10] It is nice to get to the point where you're like I'm not gonna get you another pen Yeah, I'm not gonna get you another pen but maybe I'll buy you dinner while we're out here Yeah, you know what? I'll probably get you something I'll get your coffee

[00:50:22] Yeah, we'll just take turns buying things for each other and pretend it's a gift Exactly I'll get your coffee this time No, no, I'll get your coffee this time Oh gosh Alright, well, gee I'm gonna go get my coffee Oh gosh, alright, well, Jamie

[00:50:41] And that's what Galentines is all about It is This is love right here It's just about appreciation and I'm glad I could give you some quality time tonight My heart is full And that I made you listen to my 12 minute story I liked it I'm excited for you

[00:50:57] I'm eager to hear how it goes And I think it's a good closer I think yeah I think it's There's hope in it, right? Yeah, there's hope And then imagine I think too, imagine people that are Newly single Or hesitant about dating That it's like, okay, this

[00:51:19] Seems manageable The gal who had the breakup story After I read mine She was like I feel hopeful now because I'm in my mid-30s And I was like, girl, don't worry Because you're told that you're out to pasture And the truth is, you're not out to pasture

[00:51:38] Well and the funny thing too Is like you think about men Like we were talking about this The other day And how like men have no qualms about going out And dating at any age Anybody type They are like rearing and ready to go Yeah, they do not

[00:51:56] Yeah Not a lot of thought about certain things Their effort level Is very different than what women do Yeah, when Kelsey and I were divorced I briefly dipped my toe in online dating And when I did The thing I realized was like Like you said too

[00:52:15] Put a full body shot on Because it eliminates people that don't like chubby chicks And the guys that think Thick thighs save lives They will find you And they'll be like, hey girl Like I've never seen anything more delicious than you Yeah, they're gonna appreciate you

[00:52:31] So there's something to be said these days too I think it's just being yourself Because so many out there are looking for that A lot of people out there are looking for that Oh no, for sure And I think that

[00:52:43] I think we've talked about this a little bit But I think dating in the 90s We were not a body type that was celebrated Like big butts was like a new thing And it was not big butts like it is now And so Younger men

[00:52:57] Actually have a deeper appreciation For thick bodies than men our own age Because what we were socialized with And what they were socialized with Is very different And so it's interesting Like just that physical attraction It's very different than what it used to be

[00:53:14] Well, I mean even in the 90s When we were in high school The thing that was popular was the supermodels That were all like wavy and thin And like I mean I had a D cup Since I was in high school And a big old booty

[00:53:31] And so all the dudes I dated were just white guys Because that was all that was there And it was always exotic And it wasn't really until I boobed somewhere Where it was like oh no you're just brown No exotics are a lot more normalized

[00:53:47] But there's a very specific kind of dude That was into that And you know it was limited I mean not limited enough that I didn't get pregnant In high school As a teen mom My confidence level about it was something different I'm not saying I didn't feel it

[00:54:03] I'm just saying I didn't feel like I had as many options As I do now Because now I've got a 20 year age range I know Zoe turned 25 this week And so I always feel like February 1st is like Jamie's baby's daddy National appreciation day Because

[00:54:21] Oh so this is a really funny thing So he sent Zoe a message Because Kelsey's birthday is on February 1st And then Zoe's dad his name is Larry And his birthday is on February 1st as well I think I talked about that

[00:54:34] I know you told me that before But it still weirds me out So the thing that I realized is that a bunch of Zoe's friends From high school I'm friends with And they were all posting About how Harry Styles birthday Is February 1st

[00:54:48] So he sent Zoe a message And hold on let me read it to you Verbatim It's what you need in your life Okay so this is the text message I sent to Zoe On Jamie's baby daddy National appreciation day Also known as February 1st

[00:55:05] I said I feel like we haven't had this discussion yet But it's messed up So If Harry Styles birthday is today I could have had a baby with him He could have been one of my baby's daddies And she replied With three laughing face emojis

[00:55:21] And said this is the best text I've ever gotten Shoulda, shoulda, woulda It's so messed up The idea of having sex with someone That could have been my child It's gross as fuck But it's hilarious to say And she goes oh my god I didn't even consider that

[00:55:39] But it's true And I said you are literally A year older than him lol And she goes Yeah you're right I think he was a few years older But still I'm like sure to say no She's like but still I mean February 1st

[00:56:00] It's kind of your baby daddy appreciation day Oh Jamie real quick Before we end the podcast I need your help On two to three sentences To introduce me to the crowd on Tuesday Oh Yeah So I don't know what to go with on this

[00:56:18] Cause part of me wants to go with Colleen is currently On hinge Swiping left and right You can find her there She's single So I was gonna wear a cute sparkly dress But then I thought it might be too much So I'm gonna wear instead

[00:56:36] My I'm single shirt That literally says I'm single You can find Colleen Yeah I like that intro But I'll think on it That seems like a good intro I have to know by tomorrow You can find Colleen Unhinged on hinge Don't let Colleen be unhinged On hinge

[00:57:01] Swipe right That's a weird name Colleen is bumbling You should try to fit all Of the dating apps in Oh my gosh Colleen is searching for Her Cupid match And bumbling through it Unhinged on hinge And she joins us to swipe left and right Today

[00:57:26] The tinder fires are burning Or the tinder for fires That's the magic That's the magic You gotta fit them all in You gotta fit all the dating apps in To the intro A clever alliteration is what you need I don't think that's alliteration I know

[00:57:47] But it sounds so good Colleen comes clearly Cooking Crabgrass Currently That's a cancer That's a cancer Oh my god It is late and we're gonna get off of this thing Yeah the time is now The timing is now It's too late to be thinking up clever things

[00:58:14] Yeah but I do like that idea And so keep sending me ideas I'll work on it I'll have a talk with Kelsey and see what he can come up with Yeah I think Kelsey will come up with a quick Yeah We'll get him on it

[00:58:28] Wish him a belated Jamie Baby Daddy celebration day Will do Alright Jamie Well with that Everybody keep planning Stay awesome Adios Patrachos Bye Bye Thanks for listening to the Planner Girl Chatter Podcast Subscribe to our channel so you don't miss a thing Until next time, happy planning