What if.....instead of pretending it’s not angsty, we started working through that intentionally? After a super busy few months, Colleen and Jamie reflect on what we need to move through life at this moment. We start to consider what we would like to be doing next and spitball a plan to conceptualize tackling it. Listen in and join us in the Facebook group to let us know if you are ready to tackle the same things we are challenged with.
This episode was recorded on June 1st, 2023, amid the travels and busyness of early summer.
Episode Highlights
We've been everywhere but home
We aren't even sure what's happening
How Colleen's planner is going right now
Jamie has a suggestion about Journaling kits
Colleen's genius idea to focus on our what we want
When was the last time you asked what do YOU want?
How do you fill your time as responsibility shifts
Do we even know people anymore....?
Should we be planning a retreat?
Revisiting what we want to be doing next
Areas we've been struggling
You don't know what you don't know
Making space for our friendships
Shop Recommends
Let's Plan It - https://www.instagram.com/letsplanit/
Prints by Rish - https://www.instagram.com/printsbyrish/
Bubba Bear Studios - https://www.instagram.com/bubbabearstudios/
Stick With Nick Co - https://www.instagram.com/stickwithnickco/
Notiq - https://www.instagram.com/notiqbrand/
Book Recommends
Year of Yes - Shonda Rhimes
The Happiness Project - Gretchen Ruben
Atlas of the Heart - Brenee Brown
The Artist Way - Julia Cameron
I love this episode. Join the conversation in our Facebook Group. If you'd like to plan and chat with other folks, consider joining our Patreon to attend our live meetups via Zoom!
[00:00:00] You're listening to the Planner Girl Chatter podcast with your host Jamie Marcus Bratcher and Colleen
[00:00:07] Phelan. Grab a fresh cup of coffee in the closest planner, start unboxing your latest
[00:00:12] etsy order because it's time for Planner Girl Chatter. Sweet. Jamie thanks for rolling
[00:00:17] that sweet footage. Yeah I do my best to roll the beautiful bean footage all at once.
[00:00:22] That's what it is right? That's the beautiful bean footage. Thank you for just knowing
[00:00:28] that's where I was going. Yes. What's the name of the dog? What's the dog's theme? Book? No.
[00:00:37] Oh man. I don't know, somebody own the red. Probably not even in the same universe where
[00:00:42] people know what that is. People know. I mean there's like five people that are already
[00:00:46] listening to the podcast. No. God what's the dog? Okay well it'll come to us when we're trying
[00:00:53] not to think about it but welcome. I'm really screaming at the radio right now. I don't know if
[00:00:58] somebody's just like why don't you guys know bean's name but it's I feel like it starts with
[00:01:05] a bee. Bush. No, no bushes. It's bushes beans. And the dog Duke it's Duke. That's right.
[00:01:15] Yes. I don't need people yelling at me through their phones or their ear pods. I figured
[00:01:22] it out of my own Duke. It's very important that you guys know that I just threw my hair up
[00:01:28] in a ponytail and it looks perfect. Oh my god it was a perfect pony. It like separated
[00:01:32] in the middle like it was so good. And we both enjoyed it for Jamie. Yeah exactly.
[00:01:39] Like I was like oh that is good. And then I tried to do my hair and I just put it up in
[00:01:43] a messy bun but not a cute one because I've got these like flyaways in the front. So
[00:01:47] anybody has recommendations for what to do with these crazy flyaways in the front of my
[00:01:50] hair? I'd love it. Thank you. My current flyaways are starting to be just like gray. Well
[00:01:55] I think that's probably what is going to happen here but what do I do to them? I did
[00:02:00] by so I haven't used it yet but you know Facebook sucks you in to all the things. So have
[00:02:06] you seen ads for glazed hair treatment? That is like a color treatment that it's a wash
[00:02:12] in. So needless to say I bought some because you can get out on Amazon for the sale price
[00:02:17] so Amazon Prime delivered that for me. So I've got cherry glycelle that I'm going to
[00:02:24] try on my hair that essentially is supposed to just boost my natural color and it's supposed
[00:02:29] to make it luxurious and not fly away. Very nice. And I was like for less than 20 bucks
[00:02:35] I'll try that. I'll comb that in my hair. I mean I'm sure my self and everyone else
[00:02:41] listening will get an ad for this later. You are all welcome glazed the hair product
[00:02:49] that Colleen is not getting any money for. So I feel like I hope that you guys missed
[00:02:55] us. I Jamie just did the hearts too. Yeah, I did a heart with my fingers like as if
[00:03:02] you guys could see us like we do. Yeah, but we don't share this show. No, it's a mess.
[00:03:07] You guys don't want to say Jamie. Like so first of all, I have a beautiful background
[00:03:11] behind me except it's glare because there's window. There's a window and it's open. And
[00:03:16] then Jamie looks like a serial killer with nothing behind her except for like a bathroom
[00:03:22] that you can't tell if there's a shower curtain or not. So it looks like serious serial
[00:03:26] color land. Chair, I do like the chair color. That's new. The key is is looking like
[00:03:31] you're coming from an undisclosed location. I don't have done nothing to the walls in
[00:03:39] this room and it's killing me. It's your craft room. It is like the magic craft room.
[00:03:45] Hang a quilt, dammit. I keep making them and giving them away to the people that they've
[00:03:50] longed to so I'll get you at some point. So I just cannot with you. I cannot. Colleen
[00:03:56] with his friend. Oh, I mean, Jamie, like I don't want to make people feel overwhelmed
[00:04:05] by my life because I'm overwhelmed by my life but I recently went shopping in Seoul, not
[00:04:15] in my soul but in Seoul, South Korea. And I still haven't posted the bag of pens that
[00:04:24] I got from Monomy or something. Some pen brand that clearly is big in Korea. That was
[00:04:31] the coolest single pen shop I've ever been in and you could do like ink classes where
[00:04:37] you could like do your own ink color. And I got a 150 pen pack that isn't 150 pens but
[00:04:47] you can do 150 variations of barrels and pen color with what is inside of it. I haven't
[00:04:54] opened it yet. I have not opened it because I'm still overwhelmed by my life and by the
[00:05:00] person dying on the plane on the way home, which is not actually a fact but a possible fact.
[00:05:05] Yeah, I say it's a fact. I think that happened. It was wild. So yeah, so into Korea and it
[00:05:15] was amazing. And I highly recommend it. And I can't even imagine if I went to Japan, just
[00:05:22] based on Korea when it comes to stationery because if you're not in our Patreon and you didn't
[00:05:29] see my hip-hop stationery store experience, you're missing out. So yeah, check it.
[00:05:37] Jamie, you've also been pretty exotic locations as well with friends or things that wanted to
[00:05:47] be your friends. Well, I realized that I went to Austin, Houston, South Dakota and Colorado
[00:05:59] since we last spoke as well. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's exactly where you're going to be.
[00:06:06] You've got a Korea but I have been back as well. I mean, you have. You didn't have to go to Alaska
[00:06:14] on a diverted plane with the dead body. You didn't have to do that but you went to Austin and other
[00:06:20] places. And I love Austin because Gorda poses there. You listen, I did go to Austin and I realized
[00:06:26] we went to a late night comedy show and I realized the best thing about being old and being married
[00:06:32] is that you can just wear leggings and tennis shoes and you don't have to like, you don't have to
[00:06:37] dress up. Well, I mean, I was wearing nice acts actually but I realized I could have been in leggings
[00:06:43] but there were young people there. Exactly. You just use the term slacks. You old lady is a lot
[00:06:49] for me. Exactly. But I realized when I was walking through like what would have been the 20s night
[00:06:55] club scene, you know, back in the late that is today, actual 20 year olds doing things late at night.
[00:07:03] Like I stepped over vomit and it was in that moment that I realized like it was next to a street
[00:07:10] food vendor and it was in that moment that I realized that I love being older because it was
[00:07:14] not being in tennis shoes and not in heels and I could get away very quickly and it was just a very
[00:07:20] like solid. It's good for me. For me, being very comfortable, being older. I am really glad that
[00:07:29] that is the comfort that has been given to you. So did you want to talk about the ticks?
[00:07:38] Yeah, I really thought we were going to go through the checks on because that's really the worst
[00:07:43] story of my entire life. Like it makes me cringe thinking about it now so I don't even know.
[00:07:48] I feel like we have to do a disclaimer in a trigger warning because Jamie's next story, it's bad
[00:07:54] and I think she should insert how long it takes for her to tell this story before. So that way
[00:07:59] you can skip ahead if you're squeamish because this might give you nightmares. It might give you
[00:08:05] nightmares and because I had to know you have to know because sharing is caring and Jamie asked me
[00:08:11] before we started. If I was emotionally ready for this and I told her I'm a cancer, I'm always
[00:08:16] emotionally ready. So I have a lot of emotions. The long and short of it is when I was in the black
[00:08:23] hills, I went on a hike and it is tick season and we were I was coming back from a hike with my friend
[00:08:31] and I said let me check you for ticks and I check her nothing. I checked myself she helps check me
[00:08:38] and we found two which I was freaking out about but then later in the evening we were sitting there
[00:08:43] visiting and listening to other people talk and a tick was on my arm and I was like we were trying
[00:08:50] to kill it on the floor could not successfully kill it. And so I was like I'm gonna go change my
[00:08:56] clothes because I probably should have done that when we got back from the hike because I didn't take
[00:09:01] everything out and shake it off because I thought we got them all and I went back to our cabin to
[00:09:06] realize there were ticks inside my shirt between my undersert and my top like sweatshirt on and I had
[00:09:14] to murder them. Unfortunately they had to die but there was a medic station at the place at like
[00:09:23] the place that it was at and they checked me fully to make sure well not fully not fully not fully
[00:09:30] the woman the medic did ask me this she goes do you have anyone that can help you like check your
[00:09:36] creases? I was like listen I'm not trying to get to know anybody here that way so I'm gonna just
[00:09:45] you know use myself. So if you're gonna go hiking check for ticks this is your poll.
[00:09:55] And it's like and there's more to it that Jamie's not sharing but I think the crevices is a good
[00:10:02] place to end that story or the creases. So I recently jumped back very briefly very briefly I must say
[00:10:13] into the online dating world and there was one fellow that had his profile that his non-negotiable
[00:10:23] was hold on let me read it for you guys because Jamie I want to see if you can figure it out
[00:10:27] because I couldn't figure it out and I even googled it y'all because that's how I am
[00:10:32] because if I can't figure out an acronym I got to know so his non-negotiable was you are not
[00:10:38] e-u-d-t-p. I'm too old for that shit I have no idea. Oh my god I don't even think it's I think
[00:10:56] it's a him thing but it's actually it's smart it's emotionally unavailable due to pets.
[00:11:07] I was like nobody's ever accused me of being emotionally unavailable
[00:11:16] which is accurate that I don't get that I'm unemotional or emotionally unavailable. I have a lot
[00:11:23] of love to give but we did have to you know discuss that the dogs do sleep in the bed.
[00:11:31] That was our first topic of conversation so I don't think it's gonna go anywhere but I do
[00:11:36] think it's amusing and I want all of you ladies out there in fellas and thames and thays all
[00:11:44] the peoples to know e-u-d-t-p. Some people are e-u-d-t-p and it's important to be aware.
[00:11:54] Well my dog does not sleep on my bed so that's so sad for Brady she's fine she
[00:11:59] enjoys her privacy and her family. My dogs definitely are clingers so are they emotionally
[00:12:08] unavailable due to humans? Yes they are very unemotional for other people but for me I get all of it
[00:12:15] but I'm willing to share. I know we just jumped in there but you guys are still listening to plan
[00:12:20] or girl chatter we still do plan. Well some of us too. I think we could compare our
[00:12:31] planners from last year and I'm just saying one of us her planner was a lot better than the other
[00:12:37] one of us whose planner was not better because she had months off due to like COVID at the beginning
[00:12:43] of the year and then didn't put anything in her planner and don't even play with me mine is
[00:12:48] adorable from last year. Yeah I feel like a new colleague in all fairness because a planner being
[00:12:58] in a planner funk is rough because it's I don't know how you feel about it but I always feel like
[00:13:04] I just don't even look at me right now you guys. I just want you to know she's like Jesus needs
[00:13:09] to come for Colleen right now. She needs some help. I feel like when I'm in a planner funk I always
[00:13:17] think like there's this big chunk of something that I should be doing that I'm not getting to and I
[00:13:23] generally I usually know that I'm missing getting to stuff but it all happens somehow magically.
[00:13:31] Yeah the problem for me is that like I will legitimately not remember what I've done the last
[00:13:37] five months because it's not my planner so that's my problem is that like because I am not
[00:13:45] preserving it in a planner it will go away. Yeah and I don't have the energy right now to care
[00:13:56] so yeah I'm in a planner funk. I did get my planner cards out so it's out but fine job. I haven't
[00:14:05] opened up the planner. Moving the planner card back out to its position feels like
[00:14:12] this is position of mom's in the right direction. Yeah let's see let's just you know I have
[00:14:17] an out actually looked because I can't even remember what trip I put it in a drawer.
[00:14:23] I can't remember which trip I because I always put my planner away because you know if my mom's in
[00:14:27] my house she doesn't need to be known what egg plans are she won't figure it out but she's my we don't
[00:14:32] know so let's see what week I had this on. Okay no it is not that bad oh wait.
[00:14:47] Well I it's fine it's fine it's not totally empty well that's good the last time I filled in
[00:14:58] anything was March. That's rough that's it's been a little bit. Yeah sad oh I'm so sorry
[00:15:12] planner. Oh little hobo. Little hobo is just out there waiting for you to love on it. I wonder how
[00:15:23] many no I don't even want to wonder. I don't I don't even want to wonder how many planners are just
[00:15:31] you know perishing. Oh my god look at how many pages I haven't done anything on hold on let's
[00:15:38] just look at this Jamie. Let's have a circle recap here right now. Oh my god that many pages nothing
[00:15:46] it's how many pages so how many pages it goes from three to five. That's the number one.
[00:15:56] Technically six starting tomorrow. June 1st you know what June 1st is Jamie?
[00:16:03] It's the start of New Colleen. It's the start of New Colleen is what it is and New Colleen
[00:16:08] is going to be back in action because it is June 1st and you all like I think what's most important
[00:16:17] about my planner journey is that it happens to all of us and it's gonna be okay. And it's a
[00:16:27] whole new page. It's beautiful and I'm gonna have a planner. No no I might do a different cover though
[00:16:38] because this cover isn't really giving me life. Yeah I think that the cover plays a big part in
[00:16:44] not getting to it. I think it's actually you know what it is because I'm not doing weekly kits and
[00:16:49] so I don't have a theme. Oh so here's what I'm gonna do. I have a pro tip for you that I've been
[00:16:55] waiting for this to be discussed on the podcast. I know you're gonna tell me this but you know
[00:17:00] I'm gonna shoot you down but I want you to provide it for other people who might like it
[00:17:04] but no I'm not doing that thing but I want you to say it.
[00:17:09] Colleen I really think that you should try journaling kits. Tell me more about journaling kits
[00:17:14] Jamie. Show me. Show me the pages because maybe I can. Journaling kits have like the miscellaneous
[00:17:24] pieces like because the whole thing with the kits is that they don't fit into the boxes right?
[00:17:31] Ooh that's hard. Yeah so the journaling kit. Is that like the full kit or is there more pages
[00:17:37] than that for the kit? I bought a two page kit journaling kit so it has still your Monday through
[00:17:43] Friday in it. It has some like strips for you to do decorative stuff around and then it has
[00:17:49] like little it looks like it's actually I was wrong but it's not true. I was wrong Jamie.
[00:17:55] And so I'm just saying that actually I think that would work for me. Yeah you could look at
[00:18:00] journaling kits as a way to get past the funk. That's what I mean that's I've been using these
[00:18:08] just recently. I've been ordering them for a while but I was just kind of hoarding hoarding
[00:18:14] hoarding hoarding hoarding. No try it again try it again what was that? I have been ordering
[00:18:21] them for a little bit but I haven't been using them as well. I know you're a hoarder.
[00:18:30] I actually started using them recently and I ordered a few new ones because the ones that I had
[00:18:34] I looked at so many times that I couldn't bring myself to use them because I'm like that.
[00:18:43] Actually what happened with Kendra was doing some journaling and she wanted to take some
[00:18:47] my journaling kits and I was like no those are mine and I said no no I'm going to use those
[00:18:53] so then I had to actually like use them and I was like oh this is actually like really helpful.
[00:18:57] I'm so smart to have heard. Does it mean? Yeah because I really like that's part of the joy of it for
[00:19:02] me is like picking colors and finding the right sticker that has the right sentiment to go for
[00:19:08] the thing. And so I Jamie I think you're right actually now that I've seen the two page one
[00:19:14] and it's got the days which is helpful and then I can have five days so but it can be yeah okay
[00:19:20] where are some of your favorite shops for journaling kits? Well let's plan it as a lot of
[00:19:27] journaling kits that I purchased and enjoyed Fox and Pip has had some over time. I think people
[00:19:34] have been doing journaling kits for a long time. What? I don't think that's true. A couple years
[00:19:41] I mean oh no no if it's post pandemic it's old it's new it's new it's not in a couple of years
[00:19:50] I don't I don't really appreciate you trying to pretend that things are fast forward
[00:19:55] you know you're the same as before yeah I tried um I also got one from Prince by Rich
[00:20:06] I have a Baba Bear one and then pen a peeling Paula and the other one that I got was from a new shop
[00:20:18] um called stick with Nick those were the ones I was showing you and they don't my only complain is
[00:20:25] that they don't fit into my planner sleeves but I think I can use them up pretty quick so that
[00:20:30] they're not like awkward wow thing it but yeah so they're actually pretty cute they do come in handy
[00:20:40] and that's how I've been keeping up with my weekly planning and then when I'm getting stuck on a
[00:20:45] daily spread I'll just pull some of those out and put them down and it feels like you're using a
[00:20:49] whole kit but it's not a kit kit you know what I mean it's yeah you don't like any with this box
[00:20:54] here and okay I see the wisdom in it yeah yeah I think um yeah do you think that it do you
[00:21:07] think that it'll make you want to pick a different planner next year I don't know because here's
[00:21:16] the thing is I really don't want to buy kits like it because I have not seen because I've been looking
[00:21:23] I've been looking at kits um and I just haven't been feeling like inspired by stuff lately and I
[00:21:30] think it's I think really what it is it's not that there's not kits that are cute I think there's
[00:21:34] lots of cute kits I think that I am um like since I got back from Antarctica I've just been super
[00:21:42] busy and it's been not I mean I've gone to three continents in five months it's a little extra
[00:21:48] you're very important calling please I feel no I'm definitely not I know I'm not I'm not extra
[00:21:55] I'm important no I'm not important I'm extra um so I know I just feel like I haven't gotten into
[00:22:02] a group so I feel like it's I haven't gotten into a group yeah and Colleen needs to get a
[00:22:11] group back so Jamie I have some ideas oh yeah I have some ideas and I feel like you might want
[00:22:20] to join in are you ready yeah let's do it okay so I've decided that 45 which is my next birthday
[00:22:30] should be the year of self reflection and self examination so my idea is that each month
[00:22:42] there should be some type of theme or book or something where I spend energy on something about
[00:22:49] myself also it include any of us in this
[00:22:55] well Jamie this is why I'm telling you because I need some ideas
[00:23:03] so I have some ideas but I would love for people to recommend books that are like
[00:23:08] not necessarily I mean maybe self help books but like it makes me think okay here's my this is
[00:23:13] my inspiration and um sort of but kind of um Shonda rhymes her year of yes oh yeah the happiness
[00:23:25] book by the woman who wrote the happiness book I can't remember her right now I don't remember but
[00:23:30] I read it. Brechen Rubin, Brechen Rubin um or like like one month I know I want to do Bernadier Brown's
[00:23:37] Atlas of the Heart and I want to focus on thinking about Atlas of the Heart in the relation to me
[00:23:43] and and sort of spending energy on that because it feel like life got so hectic right then we had
[00:23:54] COVID and then we were just exhausted and now I am like what do I want
[00:24:03] and I am coming up with a lot of things and nothing all at the same time you know a colleague
[00:24:10] maybe it's a myth like crisis Jamie I don't know it feels like 45
[00:24:15] I'm gonna get philosophical on you for just a moment and it reminds me when we were at that event
[00:24:21] in Houston for the Texas planar babes um VJ with no teak asked that uh she did a whole presentation
[00:24:28] on how much we're just absorbing media all the time that is like on Instagram and on Facebook
[00:24:35] that is really just like sharing information constantly and either they're like a lot of times
[00:24:42] the only question that we're really being asked is like do you want to buy this
[00:24:46] and she asked us to kind of sit back and reflect on what do you want
[00:24:52] and then even just being asked that question everyone in the room was looking around like shit
[00:24:59] oh no right we ended up having like we ended up having a classic late-night Jamie Convo
[00:25:09] oh my god the tears of the lobby I know something right
[00:25:12] the lobby with a lovely group of gals uh walking through the question but it was um I think that you
[00:25:19] I can tell you that you are not alone in feeling that way is that it's a little bit like we did
[00:25:24] all this stuff in COVID everybody's lives have changed now what like he's supposed to do with all
[00:25:32] of this like weird energy and like yeah it's like we learn things about ourselves but we learn
[00:25:38] nothing and we want to be home but we want to go out and we want to travel but then it's exhausting
[00:25:43] and overwhelming and like it's just like angsty yes exactly yeah and so yeah and and so
[00:25:51] instead of pretending it's not angsty I want to like dive into it and I want to dedicate
[00:26:00] the time to look into me right and like in different ways right where it's
[00:26:08] because there's 12 months so I feel like there could be 12 themes or it could be like four themes
[00:26:15] in three months dedicated to that so like maybe like four months is dedicated to your body
[00:26:23] and like connecting with your body so like um learning about yoga and thinking about how your
[00:26:28] body holds trauma and doing different things like that like maybe three months or four months is
[00:26:33] um like emotional work and format you know I mean I think it could be a number of different things
[00:26:38] um it could be what you need it to be like I don't think that it needs to be something that
[00:26:44] is just like a list or something like I think the point of it is finding
[00:26:49] what you actually need right now well but I also think it's asking yourself questions you haven't
[00:26:54] asked yourself before right I think it's putting energy into different things because
[00:27:02] I think when you say like it's what you need like you don't even know what you need
[00:27:06] that's what I was just about to say like how do you get around to the point that you know what to ask
[00:27:09] even well and that's why I think you have to think about themes right and I think it's about
[00:27:16] what are the areas of your life and so I think in that way it could be individualized
[00:27:21] like people could do different things but I'm thinking um each month should have you know some sort
[00:27:26] of focus and whether it's you read this book or you do this workbook or you know um you know
[00:27:33] like years ago I did like the artist's way right like so there's things like that where there's
[00:27:37] like these old uh old I mean I mean it is old but like different versions because people have been
[00:27:43] doing this forever in some capacity or another um but I just think it's a unique time because
[00:27:51] we're a few years out from the pandemic we're at an age where we have the love sherry
[00:27:58] like of doing it right because like your kids are all at an age now we're like not that Kendra
[00:28:04] doesn't need things from you but she doesn't need things from you the same way she did 10 years ago
[00:28:08] no it's actually been like this last weekend I was at a graduation and my friend
[00:28:14] that her daughter was graduating it was like it's her first she has one more after that
[00:28:19] but it's a weird feeling to have less responsibility with your kids because you've invested so much
[00:28:25] in them and they just kind of have to like launch out into the world at some point and we were kind
[00:28:30] of talking about it was Zoe who even at 21 still felt like we kind of abandoned her and she knew
[00:28:36] she was okay after a week or two but she didn't think she was ready and I mean I don't know that
[00:28:40] you ever think I mean you either think you're ready in a cocky way or you don't ever become ready
[00:28:46] but yeah as a parent it's weird because you do have this tremendous amount of responsibility
[00:28:52] and tremendous amount of time commitment and then it just kind of goes away very quickly
[00:28:58] and where you're just like not responsible for as much and it's like how do you fill your time with
[00:29:03] this and Kendra still needs me but she needs me much less or she needs me for like bigger
[00:29:11] like small daily things not like over our chain huge things in a lot of ways and so it is very
[00:29:19] different than when she was little and so yeah I absolutely know a lot of women that are thinking
[00:29:25] about that right now like what it now that so much has just changed and how do we reconcile
[00:29:32] that and what do we do with that energy so I think that I want to talk more with you off the podcast
[00:29:40] about this so that we can maybe build a little bit of a structure around it for inside of the podcast
[00:29:46] group on Facebook and share it out with people and hope that they'll share with us what they're
[00:29:51] doing because I think that I think that we were so used to being in community with people all
[00:29:55] the time too and having these conversations to people before with people face-to-face maybe not
[00:30:02] deep but yeah that's different like I knew more about people and I feel like when I sit down to
[00:30:08] have conversations with people they're like how do I feel about that well and I think that I think
[00:30:18] there is something about the luxury of being able to have these conversations and and I think here's
[00:30:23] I mean sort of I think what I would love for us to do and literally like Jamie and I are
[00:30:31] literally spitballing this on the podcast so this is not something that we plan. This is how the
[00:30:36] magic happens. This is right here like this is it but Jamie how amazing would it be to have some
[00:30:42] type of retreat right so we could do like every three months we could meet up and and I don't
[00:30:49] like I know you'll want to be like all goal oriented bullshit but what I want is to have conversations
[00:30:57] and think about what to focus on for the next three months and it's something that potentially
[00:31:02] like and literally I just came up with this right now because this is not was not kind of in my head
[00:31:07] we could do something where like we we travel to places like different places and just spend some time
[00:31:13] so it's like this three months is going to be this thing but people could do different things right
[00:31:18] so it could be conversations but spending time in community and and spending time thinking about
[00:31:26] like what do I actually want to be putting my energy into versus what I am because I know for me
[00:31:33] I get so annoyed with myself because when my energy is low I throw on the TV right so I throw
[00:31:42] on the TV I cuddle with the dogs so this weekend finally I started organizing my craft room and it
[00:31:49] was the first time I turned on my desktop computer since December because I couldn't get to it
[00:31:59] because I had so much shit on the desk that I just bother using it and I you know and it's like
[00:32:04] my brand new really nice computer and it's because I just didn't take the time because I was too busy
[00:32:10] watching like love is blind yeah which look I'm not saying I'm not going to watch love is blind
[00:32:15] so don't even hear that yeah I was like we're gonna still keep watching it yeah we're definitely
[00:32:19] watching it but I recognize that like I use other things as fodder for when I'm tired versus
[00:32:30] why don't I do something that like that is useful to me yeah
[00:32:37] the level of self-reflection but like it doesn't have to be stressful it could be fun yeah I have
[00:32:44] not been as goal-setty I feel like my husband and I've been really reflective on this past year
[00:32:50] as we moved out of the RV moved into the house that like I still really feel like I'm getting settled
[00:32:56] that also moving into the house checked off a lot of goals for us and so a lot of the goals
[00:33:02] that we had had in mind are cleared out and so I mean like that weird position right now where
[00:33:09] it's like what is next and it's been really weird like I got a weird job check-in from an old
[00:33:16] boss that was like asking me to come back and work with them and then like it feels like there's
[00:33:22] some contracts that I have that maybe need to be ending maybe pursuing some others so it's left
[00:33:27] me like angsty is definitely the word that I would say it's like it's left me very angsty like unsure
[00:33:32] what the best next steps are obviously our situation has changed or we're not like traveling around
[00:33:37] all over the place so when I have roles that make me leave the house it's a little bit or like make
[00:33:43] me have to go out of state for multiple days at a time it really is pretty disruptive to the family
[00:33:49] so should I be finding some other ways to do work anyway so it's definitely hard to like think
[00:33:54] through all those decisions just in a practical sense not even in a goal setting sense but
[00:33:59] just in a practical sense and then like it's really made me have to step back and think about like
[00:34:05] what do I want this next phase of my life to look like in the day-to-day like do I want to be
[00:34:11] traveling more do we you know when Kendra is done with school to Kelsey and I want to be in a place
[00:34:16] where we're traveling more do we want to be home more do I want to get more involved in the community
[00:34:21] that I'm living in do well if you do and what way right I mean I think that's right like because
[00:34:28] I think that's where you know I think you and I are both people that say yes right like we're
[00:34:32] yes people like here's an opportunity I'm gonna say yes to this opportunity and I would like to
[00:34:39] consciously move towards things that I actually want to do for whatever reason not say you know not
[00:34:49] and which is not to say that things I haven't done but I mean the podcast like I've been open
[00:34:53] about like you asked me and I was like sure I'll do that thing I had no idea right that like
[00:34:57] this many years later we would still be talking about our stickers and pens and shaming me we're
[00:35:03] not using my planner um but it's also you know when I think of self-care I've spent a lot of time
[00:35:12] consciously learning about self-care but not necessarily focusing specifically on me yeah you know
[00:35:21] in my and who I am outside of like you know I've done therapy and I've done stuff like that but
[00:35:27] I think there's more I think there's more self-examination and reflection and and I'm in a space
[00:35:35] where I can do that yeah and choose I think so too I mean that that is a thing too about being
[00:35:42] apparent is like sometimes there's just obligatory things that you need to do like there's and I know
[00:35:48] this sentence down that like sometimes it does make sense to be involved in the PTA sometimes you
[00:35:54] need to be on these little boards you know if your kids are involved with something and so you do get
[00:35:58] swept up in the yes like we've had the luxury of having a lot of that stuff wiped clean too like
[00:36:05] COVID wiped a lot of obligations away because there was a lot of stuff that just stopped
[00:36:09] so that was it was kind of nice to have some of the obligations wiped away but then in the other
[00:36:15] sense of things it's like now that that slate is clean what yeah what do you want to let back
[00:36:21] on your plate what do you want to do and you know for me I always feel like
[00:36:29] my mom gave me the confidence as a young woman to always believe that I can do anything so for
[00:36:35] me it's not a matter of whether or not I'm capable whether or not I can wrap my head around it
[00:36:41] it all will work out the biggest thing that I've struggled with like in this past year especially
[00:36:46] is like what do I actually want to be doing with my time and yeah I want to be spending my time
[00:36:51] as I move into you know my mid 40s and beyond how do I want to be committing my time you know in
[00:36:59] this new phase of whatever the hell life is now and yeah really had a hard time answering that
[00:37:05] question overall and it's like I think it's like blocked up a lot of other decisions that need to be
[00:37:11] made to like between how I'm spending my time and things like that when I was at the place that
[00:37:19] with the ticks when I was back in South Dakota when I was at the tickland that event that I
[00:37:25] was I had like a healing space and it was really nice to be able to talk to somebody like in the
[00:37:32] context of like the work that I'm doing and have a discussion with them that was really grounding for
[00:37:39] me and I had a couple of those discussions not only with people that do similar work to me that
[00:37:45] just people that I really connected with and it was weird because it's been a long time since I've
[00:37:49] connected with people one to one like that and it really felt good like for the first time in a
[00:37:57] long time because I've really not wanted to connect with anybody like I was telling Colleen and Layla
[00:38:03] this week ended a Patreon meetup like I don't really want new people sometimes like I think about
[00:38:09] missing having a book club like when I lived in Gilbert we had a book club and I don't really
[00:38:14] want to have a Zoom book club like I could if I wanted to have a book club I could have a book club
[00:38:19] but I don't really want to have a Zoom book club I'd like to meet some people here but I also
[00:38:23] have already put the feelers out for trying to join a neighborhood book club and then I was like
[00:38:27] I guess I'd have to start one and then I'm just like ugh like the idea of taking that on is like
[00:38:33] too much and then that's what I mean again like I'm conscientious of that decision and I'm feeling
[00:38:39] my way through that and saying no I don't think that I want to be responsible for connecting people
[00:38:45] together in a book club I think that that's maybe not the time to do that right now you know.
[00:38:51] Well and for me like one of the things that has brought me here as well you know like is this like
[00:39:00] similar to you right like I've always like if I wanted to do something I've gone after that thing
[00:39:05] and and I can't remember if I said this on the podcast but I know I told multiple people
[00:39:09] in my life that you know when the opportunity to work in Antarctica came up I didn't have dreams
[00:39:17] big enough to even think of that as a possibility right so I didn't even like when it came up of course
[00:39:24] like I didn't hesitate and I was like instantly yes because for me it's an instant yes
[00:39:31] for a lot of people instant hell no but for me it's an instant yes and then as I you know had to go
[00:39:38] through the process and the process was hell and it was terrible um I still the level of excitement
[00:39:45] I had literally to the day I left in Antarctica like in had to come home I could not have fathomed
[00:39:57] that right like I did not have the vision and and that is as somebody who booked a cruise to go
[00:40:03] into Antarctica as a tourist right like so it's not as if I didn't think I could get to Antarctica
[00:40:08] but the idea of actually being paid to go and like to get to do this amazing thing that
[00:40:13] like goes with my career and all that and that to me is one of the like why do I not have
[00:40:24] dreams that big right like so that's also I mean I think maybe that's part of it for me is like
[00:40:30] is this like the year of dreams right where it's like what are the possibilities and where do you
[00:40:36] actually want to spend your energy and what how big are the dreams you want to make yeah and
[00:40:44] and why like why is that the thing you know in understanding why that's the thing that you
[00:40:51] want to do because I mean like 45 is solidly midlife if I'm lucky right if I'm lucky I get to
[00:40:59] 90 I don't want to get to 90 if I'm lucky I get to like solid 80 I'm happy with that like I don't
[00:41:04] want to be much older than that um so I'm already past midlife right so what do you do with the rest
[00:41:12] of the time like how do you set yourself up how do you make those choices and how do you consciously
[00:41:17] live yeah conscious living right and so I think 45 is a great year to figure it out and for you
[00:41:24] 44 right year younger than me 44 on our birthdays yeah so for you 44 for me 45 it's
[00:41:33] which I think at this point is basically the same thing no it's not don't don't you take away my
[00:41:41] year of wisdom well you would take away my life with these children probably like 72 right now
[00:41:49] it's true actually the black asleep that you have in comparison to me is very true so yeah so Jamie
[00:41:58] this is so yeah I have been thinking about big plans yeah I like it because I like all the stuff
[00:42:10] you're putting down I am interested to see who connects with that I know I know through private
[00:42:18] conversations that we're not the only ones feeling this way like I know for sure but I don't think
[00:42:24] that anybody is wrapping there nobody that I've seen it's basically like when we were filling out
[00:42:30] our applications for Chicago planner conference or remember thinking I don't fucking want to talk
[00:42:36] about goal setting because anybody it is fucking telling you that they have it figured out right
[00:42:42] now is selling something or lying you know like I think there's just so many of us trying to figure
[00:42:48] this stuff out like and I'm not and you know I think there were a lot of people just going going
[00:42:53] going before COVID and now that we've had this time to like step back you know we all are operating
[00:42:59] with a clean slate right now and some people are filling it up quicker than the rest of us but like
[00:43:03] some of us you know I think that it is an interesting opportunity to be intentional about what you
[00:43:09] set let back in and I feel like that was a pretty heavy buzzword before COVID too like intentional
[00:43:15] living but nobody knew what that meant like nobody had an understanding of what it was like to take
[00:43:19] a deeper you know from life to be home to be able to reset to have your time and you know if you
[00:43:25] guys haven't been following me on Instagram you have to know that I'm in COVID 2021 now I'm in the
[00:43:30] plant phase of COVID because we're just working through this as we have a house now and so you know
[00:43:37] I am a little bit behind the curve here but also ahead of the like in the same place everybody else is
[00:43:42] in some ways so yeah I'm down for Colleen's year quarter structured intentional living
[00:43:52] it's the year of me it's the year of me I like it yeah I mean we'll probably come up with it like
[00:43:56] you'll talk to Kelsey and he'll come up with a better name but like that's we're gonna start with
[00:43:59] year of me and then we'll edit it later but this being really envisioned like I can envision
[00:44:07] this process of thinking about how to think about yourself yeah right and there's so many different
[00:44:14] ways to do it right people do this in so many different countless ways and I know and I want to
[00:44:22] yeah we're all already smart people like every most of people that I met I wouldn't say everybody
[00:44:28] most of you let me know a lot of people are pretty too Jamie there's a lot of people in the
[00:44:34] planar community are really accomplished folks or they have the ambition to like stretch for something
[00:44:43] that's why they use a planner like it's it's always interesting to me like when I'm in mixed
[00:44:48] company and trying to explain something and I know about all kinds of things because of the job
[00:44:53] that you do and so I'm like oh yeah I know about that in a very random way or there's
[00:45:02] planar people that I've met that have explained to me like some aspect of their job and so I've
[00:45:06] met a lot of people that have taught me a lot about the world in the planar community so I just
[00:45:10] have to feel like if we we're accomplished people for smart we know about things if we could just
[00:45:16] share information collectively and talk through what each individual is working on like that was
[00:45:21] actually something that I really loved about goal setting you know was that when we were doing the
[00:45:26] goal setting as a group is that there were other people integrating things into their goals that
[00:45:30] I hadn't even thought of like people were integrating like downtime into their goals like I have
[00:45:35] to have this downtime because I need to reset and I haven't been focused on that I have to take
[00:45:39] time scheduled I have to take they have like relationship goals and so when I was doing those goal
[00:45:45] setting groups the thing that was interesting was just seeing what other people were focused on
[00:45:49] and figuring out how to integrate that so I think that that's the upside of doing something like this
[00:45:54] where you are focused on yourself but you can hear from a group of people that are also interested
[00:45:59] in doing that um you can kind of get some structure around what other things you should be letting
[00:46:05] into your life that you maybe haven't considered because I think a lot of us like you said earlier
[00:46:09] just don't know what questions to ask so well we don't know what we don't know right I mean that's a
[00:46:14] classic thing that we say at work is like you don't know what you don't know and so you make decisions
[00:46:19] based on what you're exposed to and so that's I mean so you know so right now like I know I have
[00:46:25] this like broad kind of structure that I think is possible and then it's like okay how do you
[00:46:31] fill it in and like what are the pieces and like who whose work do you add in to help you do
[00:46:39] reflection but ultimately the goal is not necessarily to make it about one specific thing it's to take
[00:46:47] different disciplines right so it's to take different things to see where they resonate with you
[00:46:54] and where have you not gotten that because that to me is so much more interesting than
[00:47:03] you know like I think about this of the heart because specifically it's about emotions
[00:47:07] and really thinking about emotions and defining them and thinking about them
[00:47:12] and I devoured the book the first time I read it and I would like to spend time on it
[00:47:18] to reflect on my responses to things but also I want to spend time trying different things and so
[00:47:28] yeah so part of this is also like I'm gonna do I'm gonna start something called I don't know
[00:47:35] why I haven't called it something yet but it's essentially like the idea is office hours
[00:47:39] like you know in college like professors have office hours where they set aside you know like
[00:47:44] Tuesdays from two to four I'll be available in my office so I want to do something like that but
[00:47:49] for my friends like friend hours where I will go to a coffee shop in town or I will go for happy hour
[00:47:56] and I'm and I will be there from this time to this time if you want to show up and check in or
[00:48:00] like whatever you can do that if nobody does I'll have a book and I can read and it's fine
[00:48:05] but I want to consciously create space to have friends it like to see my friends in different ways
[00:48:13] where it's not like it doesn't have to be an activity it could be having a simple cup of coffee
[00:48:18] and it would be people who just you know I want something to do on a Saturday and it's available
[00:48:25] and so I'm gonna kick that off probably in July maybe even June I don't know but I'm like
[00:48:32] I I want to consciously do something and so so it's like yeah so it's like office hours but it's not
[00:48:43] because it's not really happy hour necessarily right like it'll be and just once a month once
[00:48:48] a month for a few hours right like I'll be here come hang out the only names that I can think
[00:48:55] to call this is something like Careberry so I have nothing to contribute wait what
[00:49:03] what what what it would be a caregiver like per hour no like friendship time
[00:49:16] and then I'm envisioning the logo is like a rainbow with two little clouds on the ends and like
[00:49:25] all the care bears locked oh my god yeah you know I had a team that I'm pretty sure when I was
[00:49:32] a kid so yeah well I mean it's been it's been a really interesting year because I've had
[00:49:38] multiple friends over the last three decades come out of I'll call it the woodwork because that's
[00:49:46] sort of how it feels so like one who I literally have not seen since probably high school graduation
[00:49:52] and then we've had a slumber party and she comes to my book club now she drives down from Phoenix
[00:49:56] for it I had a friend who came last weekend to I haven't seen in 20 years who knew me when I was
[00:50:03] doing things that they think God there wasn't camera like phones for and then I had a friend reached
[00:50:10] out who we were really close about 15 years ago I went to her wedding about 13 years ago maybe
[00:50:17] a little bit longer ago and she's coming back to town and some reconnecting with her and
[00:50:22] it's these different stages of my life and these and people who were important in different ways and
[00:50:32] and it just makes you reflect right like on you know how easily we get disconnected and then
[00:50:38] we get back together there's things that are still the same but then there's also our broken
[00:50:42] pieces that have broken since we've seen somebody and how do we share and help build each other back
[00:50:48] and have that community yeah so I mean I just yeah so I've just been doing a lot of really
[00:50:55] reflective thinking while I haven't been playing it nice well and I completely connect with that
[00:51:03] because the whole time we were RVing it was like a little friendship tour where when we didn't
[00:51:11] have a place that we needed to be we were stopping in to see friends I mean two of my dearest friends
[00:51:17] camp together all the time not because they're friends they become friends but they were like family
[00:51:21] members but like my kindergarten best friend and my high school best friend they like hang out
[00:51:26] together often now and you know and then my adult work friends you know I'm going to see one next
[00:51:35] week and I saw another one last weekend and so those people that I've collected over the years as
[00:51:40] friends have become more involved in my life in more recent years and we have been making a concerted
[00:51:47] effort as I've gone out and seen them to keep in touch in better ways and so those friendships have
[00:51:55] been they've never mingled the streams because they all live in different states but that would be
[00:51:59] fun to do some day anyway but it's really it is really when you get start getting people like
[00:52:07] that together and remembering who you were when you first met them and who you've become
[00:52:13] and see who they've become reconciling all of that amongst what comes next is important you know
[00:52:21] and so like my girlfriend that her daughter just graduated we one of the people at the graduation
[00:52:27] party was another old coworker bars and she was like she was telling us so that she's not ready
[00:52:34] she's got one kid in college and one almost done and she was saying that she is not ready to reconnect
[00:52:40] with her husband and she's unsure what the next phase of their life is completely and so she already
[00:52:48] tricked me somehow I got tricked into coming to Denver in November so that we can have like a whole
[00:52:55] girls weekend to like talk through how our lives are she's very
[00:53:01] November why no them birds beautiful there in the summer
[00:53:08] because that's when we were all free with our calendars oh my god so sorry that is such an adult
[00:53:13] like it is isn't it anyway but she it was funny because she was like she was talking about her
[00:53:19] husband was sitting there so this wasn't like a private conversation where we were shitting on her
[00:53:22] husband or anything my husband was either too and she was just like I don't even know what to do with
[00:53:27] my time when I'm not working like she's definitely years behind me where she's just like I don't
[00:53:33] even know what I do with my time I don't know how you spend time with yourself like and I was like oh
[00:53:40] I've been spending time with myself all the time I'm crafting and quilting and planning
[00:53:45] it's too easy but in time with myself it's too easy yeah it's and that's when I realized it's
[00:53:51] like oh I've gotten really good at one point into life I did not know how to spend time with
[00:53:55] myself and now I've gotten really good at it and now I probably need to leave my hobbit hold just
[00:54:00] a pinch more so there's some balance of all of this stuff for everybody you know but we are
[00:54:08] not gonna sort that out tonight on the podcast so we will continue talking about this and coming
[00:54:14] up with some kind of a some kind of a semi-structured recommendation. Jamie trying to like not scare
[00:54:22] me now. No I well I don't it's your idea and I don't want to take it over and I also
[00:54:29] don't want to say it. Yeah I like the idea of you coming up with some structure and me supporting that
[00:54:35] I appreciate that and I welcome that so you let me know when you want the retreat centers planned
[00:54:46] and I'll just take care of that. Exactly you'll take care of the retreat portion of this event
[00:54:52] yeah yeah so I'm excited because I think like so you know my birthdays in July well our birthdays
[00:54:58] are in July you know they're 24 hours apart minutes apart really if we count it appropriately.
[00:55:06] And so yeah so we'll I'll be working on it and thinking about it but please you know like we'll
[00:55:12] when we when the podcast comes out Jamie will post it in the the PGC group so if you're not in
[00:55:20] there you should definitely be in there and we'd love to hear suggestions and ideas because who knows
[00:55:27] what I'm going to pull in and I don't even know honestly it could be like this is the first three
[00:55:32] months and then the next three months will be something I mean it could even be that open because
[00:55:36] also I don't want to lock in because I want it to be a journey that can go a lot of different ways.
[00:55:42] Yeah well I'll put it like this Colleen this is a boundary that I've been leaving for myself with
[00:55:49] a bunch of different work that I have been doing recently and that is I appreciate you consulting
[00:55:54] with me on allowing me to share my opinion giving you feedback I'm never going to ask about this
[00:56:01] again unless you need to see me if you want something for me on this go ahead and come back
[00:56:06] and I'm more than happy to jump back in. Well well I feel like Jamie just kissed me off
[00:56:12] but which I think it's funny because she's going to want to talk about it offline but that's fine Jamie
[00:56:17] we'll we'll remember you said that when the rights come out for it um so you know keep that
[00:56:23] in the edit so with that Jamie is there anything else you'd like to say to me as well.
[00:56:28] Did you just invite me to write a book with you? No I said it was my book and so the rights are my
[00:56:33] rights so I know but you said that you were appreciated just consulting but that I'd have to come back to you
[00:56:42] okay sounds good it's in your plate it's on your court it's in your I can't wait for all of the
[00:56:50] euphemisms you're gonna use it's down your river tight your belt your canoe has sailed
[00:56:58] bootstrapped up well until next time friends back open that planner
[00:57:09] get your album through the link it can you planning stay awesome audio spatrasios patrachos
[00:57:17] bye thanks for listening to the planner girl chatter podcast subscribe to our channel so you
[00:57:24] don't miss a thing until next time happy planning